Well hello there again family!
If anyone still checks this blog, which I'm sure only a couple people do (Probably only John Doe now, haha) you would have noticed that I have not posted in a looooong ass time. Did my thoughts stop? Never. Did I mismanage time? Of course. But the worst thing is I stopped letting my voice be heard.
The reason I haven't posted in a while will allow people to see several flaws in my character.
1. I procrastinate with the best of them.
2. I easily make excuses when I know I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.
3. I have many vices which put me in compromising positions.
4. Simply put, I FUCK UP!
Now, you might wonder why my first post back is something so trivial. Something as elementary as falling down, right? But it's a fundamental thought that holds us all back, if you think about it. You see, I've come to this realization about people who are a part of today's society, and I can only say today's society because it's all I have personally witnessed. The thing is we, I know I do, like to make excuses because we need a reason as to why we CAN'T reach the greatness we deserve. This can be seen through anything in life, right?
Example, take a good for nothing nigga that cheats on his girlfriend, right? We take our preconcieved notions about relationships and abide by them instead of doing what we know is right. simple decisions go the wrong way, which lead niggas down the wrong paths from the beginning. You know not to get the girl's number, you know not to text her, you know not to fuck her, you know not to lie, scheme, and bullshit but in your mind you might be thinking, "Well I know my girl is the best, but it CAN'T be meant for me to find what I need this early in my life. That's too good to be true, right?" Digress for the time being.
Or another example, when a well capable nigga fails a class he shouldn't. Shit not even failing, cuz in college a C is basically a fail. So what do we do, since we've been taught we were dumb our whole lives and are not as smart as the white mutha fuckas that sit in the front and are "legacy" students. We go, "Damn that dude smart as hell, I CAN'T get grades like him. His whole family is full of engineers [for example] and he just knows his shit. Damn sure CAN'T compete with him in the classroom."
Or looking at social change, right? The people with the big ass monuments in DC, right? MLK (which is actually a fuckin' mosquito bite compared to the real monuments, digress), Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, etc. Shit even people who don't have monuments that have done major shit. Malcolm X, Marcus Garvey, fuckin' Fred Hampton, anyone who's done it major. We go, "Well, we CAN'T have an impact as major as that person... We just CAN'T do what that person did..."
I've gone on long enough with examples, all of which are things I battle everyday so I know somebody out there feels me. But the thing that I've come to realize is what if in some way we can turn our way of thinking around. Modern science says people use, what, 10-20% of their brains and CAN'T unlock the rest? Or the average African-American from the inner city CAN'T excel at a PWI which rakes up the most research dollers and funding. Or black people CAN'T change how fucked up America is and change a system that has repeatedly been placed and altered to keep the majority of us down as a whole?
I think shit should change. Because no matter how optimistic of a person I think I am, the same old negativity that I was placed in as a child has continued to haunt me to this very day. Being raised in a culture where sex is praised, success is hated, knowledge is frowned upon, and at the end of the day it's cut throats or be sacrificed for someone else to make it, I am a fucked up individual (we're a fucked up society) that all are conscious of the wrong that is apparent in everyday life but regardless play by these dirty ass rules anyways. When people around your neighborhood told you "Don't dream, you CAN'T do that. You'll just be disappointed." I'm here to say fuck all of that. Fuck everything. IDK what I'm even talking about anymore, so let's get back to the point.
I FUCK UP, ALL THE TIME. It's what people do, man. The difference is that we're conscious about it! We have the ability to change. Every time I buy a bottle of alcohol I know that it's money I could save to change the world. Everytime I have a conversation with somebody I shouldn't, I know it'll hurt someone I love. I fuck up man, all the time. We all do. The challenge is to first be conscious of the things that you're doing wrong, whether it be your personal vices or something that our society has hammered so far into your brain its in your subconscious now [check my older posts on BI Complex]. Whatever it is things have got to change, and I'm making the vow now to start it with me.
We only get one chance to change the world, man. [Well if you don't believe in reincarnation but I kinda do so take that for how you want to, digress] And I'm sure the people that've done the most with their time wasted minimal amounts of it thinking that they CAN'T do something, but rather thinking how to overcome the obvious barriers that turn most people away from their own greatness...
With that being said, expect posts from me regardless if I'm taking 18 credits or if I'm not doing shit at work. Becuase the people who have changed the world used the same 24 hour days to accomplish everything they did, and I'll be damned if I let a negative outlook on myself stop me from attaining my destiny.
Thanks for the rant. As always, these are just my thoughts...
Marcus J.
